I sat in the front row of my 6th grade health class.
One day, Mr. Michaels* gave us a short lesson on marriage, as if a bunch of 11 and 12-year-old kids didn’t already know what that was. He provided for everybody in class an example of what marriage looked like.
He used me for half of it.
While he doodled on the whiteboard a picture of us holding hands, I felt like I couldn’t sink any further down into my seat. Did Mr. Michaels, a middle aged man, really just pretend he married his 11-year-old female student? In front of her peers, nevertheless?
It mortified me. And he made matters even worse by pointing out the fact that my cheeks turned bright red.
“Don’t act like you wouldn’t like it,” he said with the nastiest half-smirk on his face. Like he thought he was cool for picking on me, one of his students, a literal child, like that.
Hannah Strong, a doctoral student in musicology at Pitt, also plans on getting a certificate in gender, sexuality, and women’s studies. I recently contacted her for any valuable insight she might have regarding these topics of sexism. She shared willingly.
“I’ve had professors hit on me during class, single me out, or even just stare at my body instead of my face while I talk,” Strong said. “It can be challenging to suss out what is a compliment and what is unusual because of gender biases.”
Mr. Michaels had no problem singling me out. I couldn’t stand him for the rest of middle school.
“Honestly, it’s rare not to experience sexism or unconscious gender bias,” Strong said. “I feel it in every aspect of my life.”
As do I.
2017 study done by the National Education Union (NEU) and UK Feminista revealed that 66 percent of female students in mixed sex lower secondary schools have experienced or witnessed the use of sexist language in school. 36 percent of those females, compared to only 15 percent of male students, say they personally have been treated differently on account of their gender.
Mr. Michaels never embarrassed the boys in my class like that. He only embarrassed me like that because I’m a woman.
We sat in groups of three desks for my 6th grade English class with Mrs. Johnson*.
One day, we got different seating arrangements, so Jasper McKinley* became a part of my new group.
I didn’t mind Jasper at first. He seemed friendly enough.
Until he started testing his luck by touching my knees under my desk pushed right next to his against my will. This went on for multiple days, even after I told him I thought it was weird.
“Don’t act like you don’t like it,” he said with the nastiest half-smirk on his face.
I wonder if he learned that one from Mr. Michaels.
The third kid in our desk triangle didn’t notice the whole time. Or maybe he just didn’t feel like saying anything about it.
After all, Jasper McKinley never touched any of the boys in my class like that. He only touched me like that because I’m a woman.
Another study done by NEU and UK Feminista showed that 24 percent of female students at mixed sex lower secondary schools have been subjected to unwanted physical touching of a sexual nature while at school, yet only 14 percent of students who have experienced sexual harrassment reported it to a teacher.
As insecure as I was in the 6th grade, I worked up the courage and talked with Mrs. Johnson about how Jasper acted toward me. She switched him to a different cluster of desks.
The NEU and UK Feminista said in their report that 27 percent of mixed sex lower secondary school teachers say they would not feel confident tackling a sexist incident if they experienced or witnessed it in school.
I thank Mrs. Johnson now for defying that statistic and changing the seating arrangement all those years ago, but that was that.
Jasper never got in any trouble for it.
Although I knew in middle school what sexism meant, I overlooked it during interactions that I thought were normal at the time. I didn’t even know about all the different forms it can take.
I started recognizing sexism on the spot when I got to high school, including all of the subtypes. I became aware of the frequent unconscious bias against my womanhood from other people in my day-to-day life.
The Utah Woman and Leadership Project (UWLP) defines unconscious biases as stereotypes and beliefs regarding certain groups of people that individuals hold without being consciously aware.
Nearing my 15th birthday, I wore an olive green off-shoulder top with ruffles around the edges, blue skinny jeans and brown combat boots to the annual family Christmas party.
I did not realize I left the house that night wearing such a provocative outfit.
No more than a second after I walked into the party, Aunt Beatrice* came up to me and asked me a question I still haven’t forgotten about.
“Wow, you look sexy,” she said. “Do you have a hot date waiting for you outside or something?”
No, Aunt Beatrice, I didn’t. Not at 14 years old.
The whole rest of the family overheard Beatrice’s comment and started discussing why my adolescent body looked more feminine compared to all of the actual adults in the room.
Except I don’t wonder why my adolescent body looked more feminine compared to all of the actual adults in the room that night anymore. I only wonder how the sexualization of a young girl could ever become one of the main topics of conversation at her own family dinner.
The UWLP released a study in 2021 showing a super majority (over 77 percent) of the women participants strongly agreeing with the statement that people can behave in sexist ways without realizing it. Over 70 percent of women participants also strongly agreed that they had personally experienced bias because of their gender.
My family never talked about the boys at the Christmas party like that. They only talked about me like that because I’m a woman.
I can’t change that I’m a woman. I mean I can, technically, but I don’t.
I like that I’m a woman.
So how do I deal with it? How do I control it without having any control over it? How do I handle a personal issue that is simultaneously sociocultural?
I asked Hannah Strong.
“Awareness is key, because we can’t choose what culture we grow up in, and unconscious biases are everywhere,” Strong said. “I also have gender biases that arise from growing up in a patriarchal society.”
I let what Strong said sit with me. I have internalized sexist biases of my own, for sure.
So how do I better hold myself accountable?
“I try to be firm in my presence, without overdoing it,” Strong said. “I know what I know, and I don’t need to prove it to anyone, unless I need to prove it to myself.”
So I need more confidence.
Not an easy solution, or a solution at all. But a solution to sexism doesn’t exist, let alone an easy one, anyway.
“Just feeling solid and confident in my stance is the first step to handling it,” Strong said.
I just need more confidence!
One day I’ll be there. And one day I’ll truly be a confident woman. Until then, though, I know that I’m truly a woman nonetheless. And sometimes it does feel lonely.
But if writing this paper and finding the right statistics and interviewing the right person taught me anything, it’s that I’m truly a woman.
And I’m truly never alone.
Sources
Hannah Strong, doctoral student at the University of Pittsburgh.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
National Education Union and UK Feminista, “It’s just everywhere”: A study on sexism in schools - and how we tackle it, 2017.
https://ukfeminista.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Report-Its-just-everywhere.pdf.
Utah Women & Leadership Project, Sexist Comments & Responses: Inequity and Bias. Jon M. Huntsman School of Business, Utah State University, 2021.
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